I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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