Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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