is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
