My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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