dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
