listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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