HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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