im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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