I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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