Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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