finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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