If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
