I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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