I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
