I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
