I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
