I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
