You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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