he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
