there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
