Ambien. No doubt about it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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