Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
