nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
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