She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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