the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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