garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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