my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
