I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
