his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
