Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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