you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
