Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I forgot wine drunk hurts
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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