yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
