These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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