this beer tastes like vomit already
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Randomize
