Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
