Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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