Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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