Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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