hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
