I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
