i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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