people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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