when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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