Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
