Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
