On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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