i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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