just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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