there's paper in my vomit.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
