i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
