I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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