my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
well you can't waste a boner
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
