i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
