I'm jealous of your bromance
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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