I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
