At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
