Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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