So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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