We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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