If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
