i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
