I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize