My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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