I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
