I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
